Focus on the outcome not the obstacle

It's a blog of many thoughts this time. 

The other day, one of my friends told me that he helped a kid who was having a seizure. A while ago, another one of my other friends helped a kid who was having a seizure. And it's in these moments, when I'm talking to them about these things that I think "Wow... would any of us even know seizure first aid and how to help these kids if I weren't dealing with all of this?" Maybe there's a reason for all of it. I have it, and now my loved ones have all learned about seizure first aid so we can help the people we're encountering. And you know what? If I have to battle it, so my friends can help people, I'm here to fight. 

I have written and not published several blogs in the last year, since my last "Yay it's been a year since I got the Neuropace!" post. But wow, it's been two years. I am still processing that. It definitely doesn't feel like it. That's absolutely crazy. 

A while ago, I was working at a winery with some of my favorite people- I had these two women I worked with that are just wonderful- I still absolutely love them. And one of them reads palms. (Think whatever you want about that- I was fascinated and she was reading everyones palms that day.) One of my fellow coworkers rolled his eyes and said "OK sure, here, read my palm." And gave her his hand. As she read his palm, he got creeped out by something she said because it was accurate, and walked away. I loved his reaction. 

I gave her my hand, she read several things on my hand- things I hadn't told them, she somehow saw on my palm. And then she said something about how I would be dealing with a health problem for basically forever... I had just had my thyroid removed, so we both thought she was talking about my thyroid and didn't read too much into that... and then not very long after that, I woke up in that stupid ambulance because of the seizure and HERE WE ARE.

And every time I find myself dealing with my epilepsy, I think of her and the palm reading and how we both went, "Yeah but no thyroid will be a struggle, I guess". And I didn't think anything of it... and now I wish I had. Maybe I would have been prepared. lol 

If I had paid more attention to how accurate everything else she said was, maybe I would have asked her to look into it more. Ask if she could see anything else. Maybe I would have been ready for the memory loss. And the frustration. And the hospital stays. And the fact that I can't do anything like I used to. When you take someone who was working full-time and running around taking her kids all over the place and coaching her daughters softball team and was using whatever free time she had to be involved in community theatre and now she's just... at home because she can't drive and she can't really remember anything... it's a lot. Or it was a lot to have taken away. 

SO, with that all said (and it's a bit of a babble this time). I am very happy to be at my "Two Year Cyborg Mark". I am very happy that my seizures are quick, I recover quickly, I don't have to sleep all day when I have them. I just go "OH, I think I had a seizure..." and just sort of move on. It's a completely different experience than when this all started. And maybe MAYBE I will be able to drive again someday. Who knows? I have faith in my cyborg brain. We'll see what I'm capable of. Slowly but surely. My doctor said it will take many more adjustments, but we are getting there. And that's all I needed to hear. WE ARE GETTING THERE.